Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm like, not good at living.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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