At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
