It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
