So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
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