am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
