I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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