I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
