note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize