So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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