she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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