Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Welp...herpes.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
