apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
