Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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