I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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