im gay
i know
yea but for you.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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