I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
