i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
