The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
