I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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