i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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