Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Someone signed my nipple.
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