no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize