You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
