Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
