I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
