Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
