What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
