So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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