There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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