You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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