Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
