Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
