Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Drake has all the answers
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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