did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
