But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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