Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
