im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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