I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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