How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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