Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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