Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
