please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
