Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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