Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
