I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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