Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she pinky promised me she was 18
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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