Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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