dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
