Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
