The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
