I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
