I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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