u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
