When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
