Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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