Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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