there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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