Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
