Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
