Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
