I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
