oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
