Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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