Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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