i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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