Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
