I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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