You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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