found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
