I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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