Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
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