Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
