I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
