mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
