I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
