So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
