70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
