apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
