The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Shame - the story of my life.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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