I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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