I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
