he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
