I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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