the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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