You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
