I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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