the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
