Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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