What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
