Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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