Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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