i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
