I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
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