My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
