Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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