i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
