then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
