had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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