Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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